The Elephant of Drift
The Elephant of Drift
Pastor Torry Sheppard | The Elephant in the Family Room – Week 3
Introduction
Pastor Torry concludes The Elephant in the Family Room series by addressing one of the most subtle yet destructive challenges in family life: drift. While earlier weeks focused on pace and expectations, this final message names the quiet reality that relationships rarely fall apart overnight — they slowly drift apart over time.
Using a personal story about tubing down a river and trying to avoid drifting toward the banks, Pastor Torry illustrates a central truth: staying centered requires effort. Left unattended, drift is inevitable. The same principle applies to families, marriages, and even our relationship with God. His main takeaway is simple and memorable: connection doesn’t happen by accident — but drift does.
The Quiet Danger of Relational Drift
Pastor Torry explains that drift rarely begins with major conflict. More often, it shows up in ordinary life — busy schedules, short conversations, missed emotional check-ins, and attention divided by countless distractions. Over time, these small gaps widen into real distance.
He notes the irony of modern life: we have more ways to communicate than ever, yet many people feel increasingly lonely and disconnected. The problem isn’t access; it’s attention. Real connection requires intentional focus, and when our attention drifts, our relationships naturally follow.
This is why Scripture urges believers to pay careful attention so they don’t drift away (Hebrews 2:1). While the verse speaks directly about faith, the principle applies broadly: what we stop paying attention to, we slowly drift from.
The Root Cause: An Inward Heart
Moving deeper, Pastor Torry challenges the assumption that drift is mainly caused by circumstances like busyness or unmet expectations. While those factors can contribute, they are not the root issue.
At its core, drift comes from the inward pull of the human heart. Because of sin, people naturally prioritize themselves — their wants, needs, and preferences. Scripture calls this pride: self moves to the center while others move to the edges.
By contrast, God’s very nature is outward and relational. Existing eternally as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, God lives in perfect love and unity. Humanity, created in His image, was designed to live with that same outward posture. Isolation was the first thing in creation declared “not good,” underscoring how deeply connection is woven into God’s design.
The gospel offers the solution. Through Jesus, believers are not only forgiven but given the power to live differently. As the Holy Spirit reshapes the heart, the posture shifts from inward to outward. Pastor Torry summarizes the principle clearly:
1. Drift is the natural direction of the fallen heart.
2. Putting others first is the pathway back to connection.
God’s Design for Healthy Families
Turning to Ephesians 5–6, Pastor Torry explains that Paul’s teaching on the family isn’t primarily about hierarchy or control, but about Christ-like love expressed through mutual submission. The foundation is simple: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
From that starting point, Paul gives instructions for each role in the family:
3. Wives are called to offer respect and trust — meeting a husband’s deep need to feel believed in and valued. When a man feels respected at home, it strengthens him and draws him closer relationally.
4. Husbands are called to love sacrificially, following the model of Christ’s love for the Church. This kind of steady, self-giving love builds safety and security, meeting a wife’s deep need to feel cherished and supported.
5. Children are called to obey and honor their parents, not simply for the parents’ sake, but because learning honor shapes their character and future relationships.
6. Parents are called to lead intentionally and lovingly, creating homes marked by guidance, consistency, and example rather than frustration or harshness.
The common thread in each instruction is the shift from self-focus to other-focus. When families stop asking, “What am I owed?” and begin asking, “What do they need?” drift is replaced by connection and selfishness gives way to selflessness.
The Hope of Turned Hearts
As the message closes, Pastor Torry emphasizes that restoring connection isn’t about achieving instant perfection. If drift developed slowly, rebuilding connection may also take time. What can change immediately, however, is the direction of the heart.
He points to the final promise of the Old Testament in Malachi 4:6, which foretells that the coming Messiah would turn the hearts of fathers and children toward one another. Spiritual renewal, he explains, often shows up first in restored relationships and revived families.
The reason for hope is personal: God has already done this work for us. Where we were once drifting from Him, Jesus pursued us, brought us near, and made us part of His family. If God can turn hearts toward Himself, He can turn hearts within our homes as well.
Pastor Torry ends with a practical invitation: don’t wait for everyone else to change first. Let God begin the work in your own heart. As He reshapes your focus and renews your love, He can begin restoring connection in your family.
Because connection doesn’t happen by accident — but when hearts turn toward God and toward one another, drift doesn’t have to be the final story.